


perfect strangers- sam winchester/reader

by dannydoesnotdab



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Female Character, Bisexuality, Blood Kink, Books, Bottom Castiel, Character Death, F/M, Fangirls, Fluff, Gay, Lemon, Lesbian Character, Lime, POV First Person, Pain, SPN AU Big Bang, Smut, Supernatural Convention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-02-14 20:08:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 35
Words: 13,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13015197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dannydoesnotdab/pseuds/dannydoesnotdab
Summary: you live a simple life in a small town where you've spent your entire life. in a small town where nothing out of the ordinary ever happens. that is, until the winchesters come and pay you a visit.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning: drug references, sex, mental illness, swearing, and other mature content. viewer discretion advised.
> 
> hey guys! i originally posted this to my wattpad (sherlockianwrites) but love the archive of our own platform so i'll also be updating it here. just a few disclaimers: i do not own any characters. this is simply an adaption of cw's supernatural. this is purposefully lowercase, i'm sorry if that bothers you, but i will not capitalize because aesthetic?? i'm aware my chapters are very short, but i update at least once a week so hopefully that makes up for it! smut will not come until at least chapter twenty, because i feel it's important for you and sammy to develop a relationship first so it won't be a one night stand thing; the main character (the reader, also known as you) is demisexual and bisexual. this fic is lgbtq+ friendly! i am also open to adding kinks! i already have the idea for this fic, but will accept requests. trigger warning: there will be explicit torture and rape scenes (not bdsm, these scenes are not between you/sam) i will give a trigger warning before it happens, any scenes such as this will be a chapter long so just skip if those kind of things upsets you. regardless, i hope you enjoy! to contact me for requests or any other reason, please comment or direct message me on instagram (@mooseinatardis_) or email me at dannythebispy@gmail.com (by the way, kudos and comments make my day so if you're feeling extra sweet, please do so!)

it was a normal day at work for you, people came and went, small talk was had, but nothing interesting. being a waitress was never too exciting anyways. you peered at the clock.

"one more hour..." you mumbled to yourself. it was nine pm, meaning the diner was empty except for you, your co-worker josh, and the two men who just walked in. you frowned as they took a seat in your section, but begrudgingly got up to serve them anyways.

"anything you'd like to start you off?" you asked, placing down the menus.

"just some coffee, thanks." the tall one said to you. you turned to the smaller one, who was eying his menu with much intent.

"and you?" you asked.

"you got any beer?"

"well i sure hope you aren't driving." you whispered sarcastically. the taller one heard you and softly chuckled. "and no, no alcoholic beverages here." you piped up as you walked back to the cash register. you glanced over to the two men, the larger one had pulled out his computer, typing things rapidly.

"get this: local man dies from intense hemorrhaging. same things been going onto the men who move into the same house, all dying on december seventeenth every ten years."

"so what you thinking? ghost?" you overheard the smaller one say.

"yeah, either that or-" he stopped when he saw you coming over with coffee.

"so what are you? the friggin winchesters?" you laughed. their expressions dropped as they stared at you. "you know, from carver edline's supernatural?"

"excuse me?" the smaller one said.

"i overheard you talking about ghosts. not to mention, there's an impala outside. figured you two were fanatics." you placed down the larger ones cup of coffee.

"you listen here you son of a-" the small one began.

"dean." the taller one said, glaring at him. you ignored the situation at hand- it's been a long day and the last thing you needed were for some fanboys to attack you claiming they're fictional characters. 

"anything else you boys would like?" you asked.

"i'll just have the coffee, thanks." the larger one said.

"bacon wrapped cheese burger with a side of fries." the smaller one said.

"alright." you said while taking their menus and walking off.

"sammy- i don't like this bitch." you heard him harshly whisper.

"calm down, it's just a fan."

in a few minutes, you came back with 'deans' food.

"guessing you two are new around here?" you said while placing down the plate of food.

"just passing through." the larger one said as the other began to devour his dish.

"what's your names?" the bigger one chuckled.

"i'm sam, and this is dean." you raised your left eyebrow.

"if you come in here tomorrow saying you're agent angus and young, questioning me if i've smelled anything funny or seen lights flickering, we're gonna have some problems." sam laughed a bit, but dean just stared at you.

"we'll have the check now." he nearly yelled. you walked back to the counter, smirking. josh whispered to you.

"seriously y/n? how do you manage to piss off everyone?"

"i have my ways." you smiled. "these two are bat shit crazy, they're acting like they're the winchesters."

"the winchesters?" he asked.

"you know, from the books? the two brothers who hunt monsters? i used to love the books when i was younger..."

"no doubt, you always like the weird stuff." you playfully punched him on his arm, preparing their check.

"hey, y/n?" josh asked. "truth or dare?" you lightly laughed.

"seriously, at work?"

"why not?"

"fine, dare."

"i dare you to give tweedle dee and tweedle dumb over there your number on the receipt."

"really?"

"write a heart next to it too."

"i hate you."

"love you too!" he called after you as you went to deliver the check. you placed it down on the check as the big one gave you his credit card. you walked over to the cashier to get their recipet. on the bottom, you wrote, "hey sammy, gimme a call some time 4084556724 ♥" you gave them it with a soft smile. your cheeks were red from embarrassment.

"drive safely." you said as sam put the receipt in his pocket. he nodded his head at you as they walked out. you walked over to josh.

"truth or dare?"

"dare." he responded.

"i dare you to let me get off early and cover for me." you said as you grabbed your jacket and began to leave. as you exited, he yelled back to you,

"no fair!" you simply flipped him off as you got into your car, and drove away. 


	2. home

meanwhile, the winchesters...

the engine of the impala roared as they took off.

"i swear to god if we meet one more becky..."

"dean, she wasn't insane." dean lightly chuckled, remembering becky and her obsession over his brother.

"i take that back." sam said, his eyebrows pressed together as he held the receipt in hand. dean glanced over to it.

"sammy, you didn't tell me you had a girlfriend!" he laughed.

"it's not funny." sam said, while forcing back a smile as they pulled into the parking lot of the pierpoint inn.

back to you...

you carefully parked your red de tomaso panterad outside your house. you slammed the car door behind you, approaching the steps. you fumbled with the lock, but eventually opened the front door.

"hello!" you called out. "i'm home!" you set your jacket and keys down on the coffee table. you took a seat on the couch and turned on your tv. static appeared on the screen. you tried changing channels, but nothing would get rid of it. you turned off the tv and headed up the stairs, disappointed. a sick smell fell over the house.

"jeez..." you mumbled to yourself. it smelled as if someone had cracked open three year old eggs. you knocked on your brother's door.

"gabe?" you said as you creaked open the door. and there he was, sitting on his bed playing video games.

"where's mom?" you asked. "where's mom?" you said louder. you rolled your eyes as you pulled off his earphones.

"hey!" he exclaimed.

"where's mom?"

"when are you moving out?" he screamed.

"whatever." you said as you walked out. you were twenty four and still living under your parent's roof. you weren't going to school, but you had a steady job and friends in soquel so you found no reason to move, although you thought it was rather pathetic you were still living with them. you walked into your room and closed the door behind you. you pulled out swan song, your favorite book, evidently it was also supernatural. the ending has always pissed you off, but you knew it in your heart, wasn't the end for the winchesters, although you hoped that lisa and ben would still be in dean's future. given his past relationships though, it's likely something tragic happened to them after. you opened the book and began to read, trying to absorb the smell of the pages rather than the fowl smell that filled the house. before you could finish the first page, the floor began to creak.

"gabe?" you yelled. "gabe?" you said again. you rolled your eyes and went to his room. gabe had a history of sneaking out, and you weren't going to let that happen tonight. you walked into his room.

"gabe...?" you said. you looked over to his bed and he wasn't there. "jesus, gabe." you said sighing. you took a seat on the edge of his bed and put your head in your hands. you were exhausted, and in no mood to track down a twelve year old. you were just about to leave when you saw him, with his back to the closet.

"dude, i thought you'd left." you said as you walked towards him. "gabe?" you put your hand on his shoulder and turned him around. blood was steadly flowing from his mouth and throat. you screamed as he fell to the ground. you ran back to your room to grab your phone, your shaking hands dialing 911. tears streamed down your cheeks. as you pressed call, you received a dial tone.

"goddamit!" you yelled, running back to gabe. you sat next to him and fell to the ground, sobbing. your mind was going a mile a minute- who did this? was it gabe? is there someone in the house? what's going on?

"tsk tsk tsk tsk..." you heard from behind you. you turned around to see your mom with a bloody knife standing in the doorway.

"mom?" you said. "what's going on?" you screamed at her. she smiled as her eyes turned black. "holy shit." you mumbled. your heart stopped and sweat streamed down your forehead. before you could process the situation, you began to chant the exorcism you memorized in ninth grade.

"exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica." you began. the shell of your mother began to shake, walking towards you. you sped up.

"ergo, omnis legio diabolica, adiuramus te... cessa decipere humanas creaturas, eisque æternæ perditionìs venenum propinare... vade, satana, inventor et magister omnis fallaciæ, hostis humanæ salutis..." she dropped to her knees as black smoke began to fly out of her mouth. your sweaty palms tightly grasped the anti possession symbol you wore around your neck.

"humiliare sub potenti manu dei; contremisce et effuge, invocato a nobis sancto et terribili nomine...quem inferi tremunt... ab insidiis diaboli, libera nos, domine. ut ecclesiam tuam secura tibi facias libertate servire, te rogamus, audi nos." the smoke flew around the room and exited out the window. your mom fell to the floor.

"mom!" you said as you ran over to her. she didn't respond. "mom!" you yelled. you put two fingers gently on her neck searching for her pulse. and there was none.


	3. rising sun

sam softly rolled over in bed. he groaned as the morning sun woke him. he heard the shower turn on. no surprise, dean was already up. sam walked over to the table and pulled out his computer. he began to study the local folklore, trying to find out why these men had been killed. his fbi phone began to ring.

"hello?"

"agent angus?"

"speaking."

"this is sheriff jones, i heard from my partner that you checked into a motel here in soquel. you working a case here?"

"yeah, why?"

"there's been two murders."

back to you...

you sat at the police department in a segregated room. how did you get here? your body was still in a state of shock. your eyes were red from sobbing and tears still gently flowed down your cheeks. the sheriff walked back in...

"look y/n... i've known you since you were a kid. you're best friends with my emma. i know you wouldn't do something like this, but whatever you saw you need to tell us." you looked up at her a tried to force a smile, but sobs just came out instead.

"i've called in some detectives. i know it's not even been a day, but we need to keep you in here until you tell us what you saw." you nodded through your tears as she walked out. within the hour, two men showed up in tuxedos. you couldn't see their faces, but something about them was vaguely familiar. the two walked into the room. you looked up- it was the sam and dean from the diner. your heart sank. they looked at you and then glanced at each other, and took a seat.

"let me guess, angus and young." sam turned to his brother.

"well, that's progress. i hear you haven't talked at all." you nodded your head. this whole situation was bizarre. it didn't matter if you prayed every night in middle school for the winchesters to be real, you'd give anything to have your baby brother and mom back.

"what did you see, y/n?" sam asked. you glared at them.

"you don't get to strut into town and interrogate me, i don't even know..." your voice trailed off for a minute, remembering your mom's black eyes. your knowledge of supernatural flooded your mind. you said an exorcism you wouldn't have known if it weren't for them. they saved your life. but you couldn't help feeling as if they ended your mom and brother's. 

"why are you even here?" you asked.

"we'll ask the questions here-" dean began to say.

"why are you here?" you raised your voice. "and who the hell are you?" all of this was too big to be a coincidence. the names and the impala, sure. but demons? it had to be them. it just had to be.

"listen y/n, to save other people we need to know what you saw." sam said softly. you took a deep breath. you decided to spare them the gory details, but for your own sake.

"it was a demon, clearly. it had the black eyes and all..." you sighed and gently rubbed your face.

"it's okay..." sam said. "take your time."

"the men killed you were talking about back in the diner? maybe a cross road demon but... but that doesn't make any sense why he'd kill gabe and my mom. before you ask, there was a strange smell. like rotten eggs. flickering lights too. our electricity, cable, phone service... none of it working." 

"any reason why-" sam began to say,

"no! there's- there's no reason anyone would want to hurt them... maybe mom, but not gabe."

"who'd want to hurt your mom?" dean asked.

"i don't know! we... we didn't tell each other... anything. but i wouldn't be surprised."

"i heard from sheriff jones that your mother had you two by a sperm donor?"

"yeah. no use in trying to track him down. i tried that years ago."

"and what happened?" sam asked.

"he's dead."

"do you know his name?" dean asked.

"yeah... yeah i know his name. his name is bobby singer."


	4. roommates

sam's voice began to quiver.

"b-bobby? are you..." he choked out as he turned to dean.

"no relation to yours." you quickly said. "he was twenty seven and a truck driver. died in a car crash two years after i was born." dean sighed as his jaw clenched. the room was silent for a straight five minutes.

"i have no where to stay." you blurted out. "what am i supposed to do? i'm a low life waitress in the middle of nowhere with no one to live with and i can't pay the rent for my mom's house and i don't even want to go back there and-"

"hey, hey. it's going to be okay." sam said. his eyebrows pressed together and his face gave off the fakest smile ever.

"how? how can it be okay? it isn't and it-"

"you can stay with us!" sam interjected.

"what? i-"

"excuse us for a moment." dean said as he grabbed his brother's wrist and pulled him outside.

"sammy, what the hell?"

"dean, she knows about hunting, she survived a demon attack, and i don't know what'll happen if she stays here."

"but seriously, sam? we know nothing about her!"

"we know that she's lost her family and needs help. we even have extra rooms in the bunker- it won't be forever but just until she gets back on her feet."

"fine. but don't grow too found of her, she's practically becky!"

"we both know that's not true. come on." sam said as he walked back into the room.

"you know about as much as me as i know of you." you said. "what makes you think it's a good idea for us to be roommates?"

"correction," dean began, "you know all about us! remember, superfan99?"

"i read those in middle school! if i knew they were about actual people i would've-"

"you would've what? tracked us down?"

"no, i would've stopped reading to let you have your privacy!" the room fell silent. dean glanced at you, and then back down to his hands. 

"that's not what this is about anyways... this isn't about the books and it isn't about me- it's about finding the thing who killed gabe and my mom. we can save the drama for later." dean scoffed.

"we? there's no we princess. you aren't coming with us." dean said.

"like hell i am! either i kill this thing now or spend the rest of my life pissed i didn't!" you screamed. your fists clenched and your brows furrowed. you glared at dean.

"fine." dean said. sam got up,

"i think we have all we need. i'll ask sheriff jones if she can let you go, and we'll take you back to the motel with us and figure everything out there." you sighed. it was better than nothing. you nodded your head as sam and dean got up and left the room, the door slamming behind them.


	5. not a becky

you rolled over. you were exhausted, but it was impossible to sleep. dean prided himself over his 'baby,' but was a horrific driver.

"how much longer?" you groaned as you sat up. dean looked back at you.

"well it ain't exactly an easy ride from california to kansas." he said. you were sitting in the back of his chevy impala. you had none of your things, but were promised to get some once you got there. sam was able to sleep, but unfortunately, not you.

"got any music?"

"yeah."

"anything good?" you asked.

"you tell me." he said, as he passed back hundreds of tapes. you looked through them, reading the titles with the little amount of moonlight that shone through the back window.

"bob seger? the animals? ac/dc?"

"what about it?" he growled.

"nothing. it's just fucking awesome." dean softly chuckled as you passed back a tape for him to play. he popped it in, and within a few seconds, t.n.t. began to blast through the speakers. sam jolted up.

"sammy, you didn't tell me y/n had a good taste in music!" sam turned down the volume and groaned.

"that's because i didn't know." sam said, annoyed. you laughed as you lay back and listened to the heavy bass and guitar take you into another dimension. one where your mom wasn't dead. one where your brother was still with you. one where-

"hey y/n?" dean said

"yeah?"

"what was with the whole marvin gaye thing with sammy?" you laughed, thinking about two nights ago at the diner...

"it's called a dare, dumb ass." dean glanced at sam. 

"not a becky." he said as he turned up the music and began to speed up.


	6. the winchesters

you arrived at a lebanon, kansas in a little over twenty six hours after leaving california.

"is this it?" you asked.

"yeah." sam responded. you all walked into the bunker. you were taken aback. your jaw dropped.

"it's... it's..." you began to say.

"beautiful?" dean said.

"i was going to say huge, but that works too." sam showed you to your room.

"this is where you'll be staying; we have extra clothing and toiletries in the closet." he said, leaning on the door frame. he ran his fingers through his hair and looked to you.

"yeah, but do you have pads?" sam's face turned bright red.

"uhm... i don't..."

"better check." you interjected, closing the door in his face. you walked into the bathroom. you starred at yourself through the mirror, your shaky hands holding onto the brim of the sink.

"you don't deserve to be happy." you hissed at yourself. "they're dead. it's your fault." tears began to stream down your face. "if you stayed with gabe..." you paused. "if you stayed with gabe he wouldn't be dead!" you yelled. you collapsed to the floor in tears. you heard talking from outside.

"leave her alone." dean softly growled.

"but-"

"she lost her family, she's in a stranger's house, the last thing she needs is you bursting in there."

"dean,"

"if you really want someone to talk to her, let me do it." sam heavily sighed. you heard three rough knocks on the door.

"hey kiddo, you okay in there?" dean said. you sniffled and dried your tears with your sleeve. you got up from the floor and opened the door.

"what do you want?"

"just... are you okay?" sam piped in.

"always am. what's it to you?" they glanced at each other. you rolled your eyes and wiped you eyes and nose with your sleeve as you closed the door.

"wait, y/n!" sam said. you opened the door again. he handed you a pair of pajamas, shampoo and conditioner duo, soap, a towel among other things, and a box of pads.

"thanks." you took all the things in your arm. you carefully picked up the bar of soap.

"don't drop the soap." you chimed with a fake smile as you slammed the door. you walked back into the bathroom and turned on the hot water. you undressed, and starred at yourself in the mirrors. your curvy hips. your imperfect thighs. the scars on your stomach. your collarbone that hardly showed. you flipped back your hair and wiped your eyes, getting into the steamy shower and beginning to sob. not just for your family, but for you. the old y/n was gone. all that was left was it's empty shell; who's apparently living with the winchesters. the fucking winchesters. the caring winchesters. the hunter winchesters. but, what you didn't know now is that sam winchester; he'd be yours.


	7. yellow eyes

you woke up early in the morning. two am to be exact. you walked out to the kitchen and began to make coffee, knowing you wouldn't be able to go back to sleep again. you grabbed a mug and started the coffee machine.

"who are you?" a gruff voice asked. you jumped as you turned around.

"jesus christ!" you screamed, dropping and shattering the cup, the porcelain pieces dancing on the floor.

"who are you?" the man in trench coat asked again. sam ran into the kitchen, gun in hand.

"what's-" he stopped and glanced at the man, dropping his weapon to his side. he sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"what the hell is going on?" you asked, turning to sam and then back to man.

"my name is castiel; i'm an angel of the lord."

"you- you're cas?" you asked. your eyebrows were harshly pressed together. you all stood in a moment of silence, you observing the man, the man observing you, and sam starring at the both of you. "i mean- uh, it's an honor." you held out your hand for him to shake. he glanced down and then looked up to sam. you pressed your lips together and gave out a heavy sigh, letting your hand fall to your waist.

"sam, who is this?" he asked.

"oh, i'm y/n." you interjected.

"what are you doing here?" cas asked you.

"cas, what are you doing here?" sam said.

"azazel. he's back."


	8. miserable at best

"are you... are you sure?" sam asked cas.

"yes." you looked at the both of them,

"azazel, as in yellow eyes, kill your mother and girlfriend?"

"yes." castiel responded. 

"sorry man." you awkwardly told sam. he sighed.

"i'm- i'm going back to bed." he said, stumbling out of the kitchen. you took a seat at the kitchen table.

"what do you think will happen to the boys?" you asked cas.

"something macabre. if i were to guess, demon blood."

"demon blood?" you raised one of your eyebrows and frowned. "what has demon blood have to do with anything?"

"it has to do with everything." dean groaned as he walked in. "see, sammy was addicted to the stuff 'cause of azazel. but, god... or chuck, or who ever, healed him of his dependence of it after the sixty six seals were broken. but then when he said yes to lucifer, he became addicted again. drinking it by the gallon." dean sighed, taking a seat across from you. "but after he escaped the cage, he stayed off it for a while. that is, until some asshat, famine, came. but since then, it hasn't been an issue."

"that wasn't in the books." you mumbled. dean stretched his neck.

"like hell it wasn't." you placed your face in your hands. you know you had no right to, but you couldn't control it. tears gently streamed, then poured out of your eyes. your shoulders shook as dean walked over to you and placed his hands softly on your arms. these boys who hardly knew you showed you so much love, yet the world granted them nothing in return. it just... wasn't fair. but, it seems as if nothing is.


	9. your mess is mine

you walked into sam's room. you opened his door to see him sitting motionless on his bed, his eyes fixated to the wall. you leaned against the door frame, tilting your head gently to the side. your brain rattled in search for the proper words.

"i know i can't even begin to understand what you're going through but-" you eventually choked out, your voice still croaky from crying. 

"just... stop." sam said. "please. stop." you sighed, still on the verge of bursting into tears. you took a seat next to him, the bed quietly creaking under your weight. you slouched and gently rubbed your eyes, exhausted and overwhelmed. you knew nothing could do justice to explain how sam was feeling. you had no right to be sad, but you couldn't help yourself. regardless, you owed it to sam to at least be there. you looked to the ivory wall, starring at each crack and crevice along with him. you don't know how much time passed, maybe a minute, maybe an hour. but it didn't matter. you felt obligated, no, you wanted to stay with him until he felt better; you owed him that much. you sat together in peaceful pain, if there is such a thing, breathing softly in unison. you absorbed the smell of his room; the stench of liquor and the vauge aroma of rain. but most importantly, the overwhelming redolence of him. sam turned to you.

"y/n?"

"yeah?" he deeply sighed and pressed his eyebrows together. he opened his mouth, about to say something, but tears came out instead. he leaned his head on your shoulder and began to sob. you sat dumbfounded for a minute, then wrapped your arms around him.

"it's going to be okay." you softly whispered. "some day, it'll all be okay."


	10. confusion

you woke up late in the morning. your head pounding, and your body warm. in a sleepy confusion, you tried to make sense of what happened last night. beside you, you heard a groan. you jolted to your left to see sam peacefully sleeping beside you. your eyes widened.

"whatthehellwhatthehellwhatthehell." you whispered to yourself as you creeped out of his bed, softly patting your body confirming you were still wearing clothing. you clenched your teeth and pursed your lips, stiffly moving as quick as you could to get the hell out of dodge.

"y/n?" sam groaned. you awkwardly turned to him. 

"yesthat'sme." you quickly mumbled.

"what are you doing in my room?"

"leavinggoodbye." you said as you ran out of the room, slamming the door behind you. you swiftly trotted to your room, jumping on your bed. you buried your face in your pillow, trying to refrain from screaming. you racked your brain for information- what was the last thing you remember from last night? you went into sam's room, he cried, you guys hugged and you attempted to comfort him then you fell asleep. so, nothing too serious but something big enough to make you embarrassed and awkward around him.

"jesus..." you mumbled to yourself. "you're twenty four, you should be more adapt to these kind of... situations." yet, you weren't. you were a twenty four year old virgin, who's hardly dated. it's not that you were against premarital sex, it's just that staying in one town your entire life doesn't exactly provide you with many options. but at least nothing 'weird' happened with sam... still, the awkwardness consumed your body. you lay on your bed, sprawled out and exhausted. you fluttered your eyes shut and began to fall asleep.


	11. sweet emotion

a heavy knock on your door woke you. you sprung up.

"yeah?" you yelled in a sleepy confusion. dean opened the door.

"it's twelve." he said, his eyebrows raised. you glared at him.

"so?" he scoffed.

"so, get the hell up." you stuck your tongue out at him and stumbled up, following him out the door and into the living room.

"late night with sammy?" he asked as you took a seat.

"nowhatwhy?" your body became stiff and your face red. he chuckled.

"both you and sam are sleeping in late today, so one kinda thinks-"

"shut up." you growled, afraid you were going to explode from embarrassment.

"want any breakfast? i can teach you how to find a case."

"and what makes you so sure i want to be a hunter?"

"lucky guess." he said, glancing down to your ankle where you got your anti possession tattoo on your eighteenth birthday. you lightly chuckled.

"sure. how?"

"well-" dean began. he stopped as he turned to the entrance. "morning, sunshine." sam walked into the sitting room, gently pushing his hair out of his face.

"morning." he said, taking a seat next to you. you automatically got tense.

"hi." you said; your voice flat and nervous. 

"sleep well?" dean asked.

"yeah." sam responded, glancing over at you. you quickly looked away. your face got hot again and your palms sweaty.

"sammy, how about you teach y/n how to find things that go bump in the night and i'll take a shower." dean said as he got up.

"sure." sam responded as dean left. sam grabbed him computer, placing it on the table. "so, how much do you know about hunting?" he asked.

"how to kill things, how to find some, the basics." you responded, rallying up all your strength to sound at least semi-confident.

"cool. so, um, the most common thing i'd say are ghosts. easy to find, and easy to kill." he rapidly typed things into his computer searching for a possible case. "if you want to come, we're going to need to do an easy one. guessing this'll be your first?"

"not unless you count the whole... demon thing." sam tilted his head gently to the side. his eyebrows pressed together. you sighed.

"i don't need your pity." you said as you got up.

"wait, y/n," sam said, getting up along with you. he gently grabbed your wrist, turning you around. 

"what-" you began to say. he stopped you, placing his warm hands on your cheeks, gently pressing his lips against yours. your heart skipped a beat. he pulled away from you, his hands still caressing your face. you looked up into his hazel eyes.

"well..." you sighed. "that's one way to shut me up."


	12. goodnight

you scrolled down, searching for anything out of the ordinary. any possible case. luckily, you had some peace and quiet. considering it was midnight and the boys were fast asleep. you clicked on a page. it read,

"local man murdered in locked house, son says he it was monsters." you sighed. maybe a case? regardless, you'd present it to the boys with pride. you were desperate for their approval and after what happened with you and sam... well... nothing much happened. you kissed and you got awkward. it wasn't that you didn't like it, or that you didn't like him, you just didn't want to be another one of his 'girls.' either of the winchester's 'girls.' you weren't prepared to be a one night stand and bury your pain in sex. that just... wasn't you. you rubbed your eyes, trying to wipe the sleep from them.

"i needa get some sleep..." you mumbled to yourself, closing sam's laptop. you yawned as you stretched, exhausted and eager to feel the warm embrace of your blankets. you stumbled into your room and switched on the light. you jumped onto your bed and lay down, struggling to keep your eyes open.

"y/n?" you heard a voice ask. you jolted up.

"g- gabe?" you asked, seeing him stand at the end of your bed.

"why'd you leave me, y/n?"

"i- i'm sorry. i- i didn't mean to-"

"you did this to us." your mom said as she appeared behind gabe. "why didn't you try to save us?"

"i did, i just... i didn't know how. i'm- i'm so sorry-"

"sorry doesn't cut it." your mother growled.

"you're- you're not real." you said, trying to catch your breath. "you're dead. you're not real. this isn't real."

"tell me, y/n?" your mother smirked. "does this feel real?" gabe smiled as he pulled out a handgun and pointed it to your forehead.

"nighty, night sissy."


	13. dream a little dream of me

you wake up, drenched in sweat and screaming, your vision too blury to even see where you were, and your entire body is shaking. thoughts of fear flooded and consumed your mind. sam and dean rush into your room, armed with guns. you scream as your door slams open, tears flowing down your red hot cheeks. sam runs over to you.

"are you okay? what's wrong?" he asks as dean searches the room. you wrap yourself around sam and sob, mumbling slurred words of fear.

"it's okay... it's okay." sam whispered in your ear, his strong arms around you. dean walked over to you.

"nothing here. what happened?" you gently pulled away from sam, still grasping his hand tightly.

"n- nothing. must've just... it was just a nightmare." sam brushed your hair out of your face, and hugged you again. you hid yourself in his arms, absorbing his heat and love. in that moment, you forgot. you forgot about your mom. you forgot about gabe. you forgot about pain in general, the only thing that mattered was in front of you. the only thing that mattered was sam.


	14. the cave

you are a wreck. the confusion over your feelings for sam... the continuous nightmares... you've been living with the winchesters' for nearly seven months now. your days consist of sleeping, crying, and eating maybe one full meal a day. for the last two months, you've refused to leave your room. sam comes in every other hour or so with bits of food. dean comes in with cards and his computer, playing music and teaching you about hunting. they've been babying you, and it's miserable. they take turns going out on cases. dean is eager for you to go on your first hunt, sam... not so much. he'll coax you out of your room every now and then to go on a short walk outside; because, as he constantly reminds you, "fresh air is important." you know you can't do this anymore. you can't do this to yourself, and most importantly you can't do this to the boys.

"hey." sam says as he walks in.

"hi." you choke out.

"how are you doing?"

"fine... i'm... good actually." sam takes a seat next to you. he smiles.

"that's good." he takes your hand and gently kisses it. sam's gentle affections happens every time he sees you. you accept them, although they confuse you. it's hard to tell if he really cares or... what are you thinking? of course he must care at least a little... otherwise he wouldn't do all this for you. right?

"i want you and dean to go." you blurt out. sam presses his eyebrows together, and looks at you confused and concerned. "not, like, go... go but go on a hunt. together. i'll be fine." sam tilts his head to the left.

"why?"

"i don't want to interfere with you guys. i feel guilty that you stay home..."

"don't. don't feel bad. it's our choice."

"but please, go on a case together. please." sam forces a smile. whenever he's around you, he doesn't seem happy. he seems... depressed. you can't handle that your feelings are rubbing off on him.

"we can do that." you smile.

"thank you." he brushes your hair out of your face and kisses your forehead.

"anytime."


	15. it's not goodbye

someone knocks on your door.

"yeah?" you ask. dean opens the door.

"hey kiddo." you smile. "sammy and i are leaving in a bit, care to say goodbye?" you walk over to him.

"bye!" you say, giving him a light hug. "see you later." you say as you release him.

you walk back into your room, but dean stops you.

"hey, y/n?"

"yeah?"

"just... curious. what's going on with you and sam?" you smirk.

"hell if i know. i just... like him. a lot."

"so you like..." dean pauses. he glances left and right making sure no one is there. in a hushed whisper, he says "like like him?" you glare at him.

"yeah. i do." dean smiles.

"see you around?"

"yep." you jump on your bed and crack open your book.

"hey..."

"yeah?"

"it's good to see you happy." you give him a grin and wave your hand to signal him to leave, resuming reading. sam comes in after a bit, a dark blue duffle bag in hand. you glance up as you hear the floor boards creak.

"hey." you say, placing down your book. you lightly tap your bed, signaling for him to come over. he drops the duffle by your door way and takes a seat next to you. you smile as you pull him in for a long, lingering hug. you try to absorb his smell. his warmth. the whole essence of him. it wasn't like this was goodbye, but you knew you'd miss him in the week or so he was gone. yet, you knew it was good so you wouldn't become to dependent on the boys. after you pull away, you gently place your hand on his cheeks, feeling his jawline, his soft skin, and his rough stubble. you both lean forward, your noses and foreheads gently touching. you softly kiss his lips, trying to explain the way he tastes so you can remember it later.

"i don't want to go..." sam murmurs. you softly chuckle.

"you have to." sam groans as he lifts you up into his lap.

"it's an easy job, dean can do it himself." he says as his softly kisses your neck. you put your arms around him.

"you two need to do your... brother thing. alright?" he looks at you and smiles.

"alright." he places you back down and gets up to leave. at the door way, he turns around. "thanks."

"for what? i'm the one staying in your bunker, eating your food, sleeping in your bed, and causing trouble."

"just... thanks." he leaves the room, softly closing the door behind him.


	16. Chapter 16

the heavy bass of pour some sugar on me blasts through the speakers of sam's computer, which he graciously left behind for your entertainment. you scream sing along to the lyrics, mimicking an air guitar. behind you, you hear a flutter of wings. you smile as you turn around, greeting cas with a smile. you grab his hands and start to dance.

"y/n, what are you doing?" he asks, his eyes looking back and forth looking for an escape. "where's sam and dean?"

"on a hunt!" you yell over the music. "you're stuck with me, cassie!" you laugh, making him dance around with you. his eyebrows are pressed together, but you can tell he's suppressing a smile. the song ends with a loud bang as you two fall to the floor. he calmly sits down while you awkwardly stumble to the floor, smiling from ear to ear. you sit up and take cas' hands in your own.

"so, girl talk." you say with a grin.

"we are already talking, and my vessel is not female." you playfully scowl at him. you're happy, and feeling rather childish. you make a mental note you're about to gossip with an angel, remembering to put that on future job resumes.

"so, who do you have a crush on?" you cringe as the words fall out of your mouth, feeling like you're back in sixth grade. you dismiss the happy thoughts of late night sleep overs with your friends, as you'd accessorize your younger brother in your mother's jewelry and cheap makeup. cas tilted his head to the side, trying to comprehend what you were going on about.

"you totally like dean."

"i like both the winchesters. i love them- they're my family." he exclaims flatly. you roll your eyes, letting go of his hands and gesturing to the sky.

"no, but like... you really like dean." you say. explaining immature references and crushes to an angel is harder than you expected.

"i don't understand."

"like, you want to kiss him."

"dean and i have never been intimate." he says, straightening his back, putting his hands softly in his lap. you're both sitting criss crossed talking about crushes. you remind yourself he's as old as time and you're twenty four. but who the hell cares?

"but do you want to be?" cas' face turns crimson, his eyes widening. you lightly chuckle. "i won't tell." you assure him.

"yes... maybe..." he mumbles, putting his face in his hands, clearly flustered. you lightly laugh. your middle school self would be proud.

"i ship it!" you happily yell. he looks up from his hands, clearly questioning what you just said. "like... i want you two to like... be together?"

"by direct definition, a ship is a vessel larger than a boat for transporting people or goods by sea. why would you ship me and dean away? and to where?" you sigh and smile at his innocence and overall adorableness.

"i want you and dean to kiss."

"oh." he says quietly. he puts his face back in his hands, "me too." he whispers.


	17. coming home

you haven't seen the winchesters in three weeks. they check in as much as they can, but you still worry. guess this case was a two man job. the phone sam got you begins to ring. you quickly grab it off your nightstand, eagerly flipping it open.

"sam?" you say, trying not to sound as concerned and scared as you are.

"hey." sam says with a soft chuckle. "we're heading home today, we'll be there this evening." you stand up and begin to jump on your bed, attempting to suppress your excitement.

"see you then!" you say, happily, about to hang up when sam softly says,

"i love you." the dial tone softly sounds, signaling he's left the call. you drop your phone, and your eyes widening. you fall onto your bed, knees weak. three words have impacted your everything. your heart beat quickens and you feel like you're going to throw up.

"i- i..." you're at a loss for words. your brain rattles in confusion. "i love you too."


	18. perfect

sam and dean came back home at eight thirty. sam trotted in with arms full with to go bags. the smell of burgers and french fries flooded the bunker. you sat in the living room, reading. you look up to see the boys coming down the stairs.

"you're back!" you excitedly yell. you run up the stairs and greet dean with a big hug. his arms wrap around you, and you can tell he's grinning ear to ear just like you. you run over to sam. you wrap your arms around his torso, and he awkwardly pats your back, his arms filled with take out. you stand on your toes to gently kiss his lips. you run back the stairs, eager to eat. sam pulls out the food, handing you a veggie burger, dean a bacon cheese burger, and taking a ceaser salad out for himself. dean dumps the bag, the packaged condiments and french fries falling onto the table. dean grabbed the majority, pushing the final stray fries to you.

"thanks." you said sarcastically. as he took a bite into his burger, you grabbed a fist full of his fries and stuffed them into your mouth.

"hey! give them back!" dean exclaimed. you opened your mouth, filled with half chewed fries and stuck out your tongue. dean cringed as he continued to eat his burger, while sam lightly chuckled, eating a fork full of his salad. you began to devour your burger, infatuated with the flavor. everything seems so... easy. so perfect. and so happy. for the first time since gabe and your mom died, the empty pit of darkness eating away at you disappears. everything is just... perfect.


	19. becky rosen

you've been living with the winchesters for a year now. you've been hunting for the last four months, and officially dating sam for six months. nothing interesting has happened... azazel is still on the loose. he's been magnificent at hiding. there are no leads, pissing off the boys. every now and then, dean will throw a raging fit, smashing things to the ground and screaming. you begin to cry, then sam yells at him, dean always screeches back, then goes into his room, slamming the door behind him. it doesn't happen to often, but whenever it does it feels terrible. afterwards, you go into his room to console him. then you talk with sam, and eventually get them to apologize and go back looking for him or searching for a case. you spend a lot of your time on supernatural archives, sharing fan fiction with the boys and laughing hysterically as they roll their eyes. you and sam sleep together now... well, not "sleep" together, but sleep together. as in, no sex. just sharing a bed. you're brosing forums when you come across a unique account...

"sam!" you call. you're sitting in the living room, and he's in the kitchen. he comes over to you, placing his hand on your shoulder as he arrives. you pull up the account. the username is becky.rosen-winchester. you laugh as you show it to him, remembering the crazy stories of the superfan dean tells you.

"i need to meet her." you say.

"no." he sternly says.

"yes!" you say, excitingly. you smile as you begin to skype her.

"no-no-no!" sam begins to say, trying to shut the laptop. you push it out of his reach. in a few seconds, she answers. "dammit." sam mumbles.

"hey... becky?" you say.

"yeah?" the screen on her side is black. you adjust the frame, so she can see sam. she screams.

"sam!" 

"hi... becky..." sam groans.

"we're in kansas!" you chime in. "wanna meet up?" sam glares down at you and you stick your tongue out in response.

"oh... my... god... yes!!" her ear piercing screech could turn anyone deaf.

"i'll im you the details. later!" you say as you close the laptop.

"really?" you get up and wrap your arms around sam.

"really." you say, standing up as tall as you can to kiss him. you place your hand softly on his jawline, tracing it with your fingers.

"i love you."


	20. coming and going

you woke from a loud scream. you jumped up.

"sammy... sam!" you said as you shook him awake.

"yeah?" he groaned.

"someone's here!" you harshly whispered. you heard the scream again. sam got up, putting his hand protectively on your chest, holding you back from joining. he grabbed his shotgun off his nightstand and began to walk carefully into the living room where the screaming came from. you followed quietly behind him.

"hell friggin yes!" you heard dean scream. you both turned to each other and sighed. it was just dean. you walked into the living room.

"i found azazel!" he screams as he sees you, running over to you and lifting you up and twirling you in circles. he drops you and yells at sam, "i found that son of a bitch!" you and sam look at him amazed.

"that's... really?" sam says.

"yeah!" he screams.

"well, what are we waiting for?" you say. "let's go!" dean and sam stop to look at you.

"uhm... y/n..." sam mumbles.

"yeah?"

"you... can't... go."

"what? why?"

"cause it's too damn dangerous, that's why." you glare at both of them.

"i'm going." dean lightly chuckles.

"no, no you're not." you turn to sam, raising your left eyebrow. he gives you a forced half smile.

"honey..." he begins.

"don't. i am going whether you two like it or not!"

"no," you hear cas say behind you. "you're not." you feel the gentle pressure of his two fingers against the back of your head. you try to turn around to stop him. but before you can, everything goes black.


	21. the other brother

you wake up, lying down on a stiff bed in dark room. you groan as you struggle up, rubbing your head. you feel slightly lightheaded, but mostly tired. your memory comes back in flashes. you remember arguing with the winchesters. castiel knocking you out. they must've carried you here in your sleep. you struggle to see in the dark. a lantern is placed on top of your nightstand. this doesn't look like any place in the bunker... the wood on your bed is decaying, and the floor is made of dirt. you struggle to see even one foot ahead of you. the place stenches of decaying animals and feces. after a minute or so, once your vision finally adjusts, you see a man standing in front of you.

"cas?" you mumble, rubbing your head. you grab your lantern and hold it up, trying to make out who it is.

"afraid not." he walks towards you, his face showing dimly in the light. "nice to meet you." he says. "i'm adam. the other brother."


	22. a little game

"where's sam? and dean? where am i?" your head is pounding. 

"they aren't here. clearly."

"i- i thought you were in..."

"hell? i was. but when azazel came back from the empty, he left the door to the cage wide open."

"where- where..."

"your boys? they're casing an no lead case. plenty of time for me to interfere. long story short, they lay you down in your room, left a note, and left. they made it so it was impossible to get in or out of your room, but when you're as juiced up as i, it was a piece of cake." you knew it'd be a waste of breath to scream, but you still felt nosy. after all, someone kidnaps you, you're entitled to some answers.

"so... what're you planning to... to do?" he scoffed.

"honestly?" you slightly nodded your head. "torture you to death while the winchesters watch." your eyes bulged out of your head. "of course, that scenario is ideal, but i still gotta follow the boss man's rules." his eyes fluttered black. "let's just say i'm going to be playing a little game. and either way, it doesn't end in your favor."


	23. pain

meanwhile, the winchesters...

sam groaned. he rubbed his eyes as he sat up. it was midday, ten am. dean was still driving. they had left the bunker nineteen hours ago.

"hey." he said to dean. "any news from cas about y/n?"

"nope. a hundred or so miles 'til yerington."

back to you...

you're strapped to a creaky wooden chair, your wrists aching from rope burn. you looked up to see adam sitting on a chair in front of you, playing with a shiny blade.

"well aren't you just a sight for sore eyes..." you mumble. "so, what're we doing today?" adam lightly laughs.

"i was in the cage for over a thousand years... for the first six hundred or so, i stayed loyal to the winchesters. throughout torture and pain... i stayed loyal to them, convinced they'd find a way to save me. then, when sam left, i was almost certain that they'd..." his voice trailed off. he may be a demon, but you could still see emotion in his eyes.

"i know torture. and i know things worse than the cage. they need to feel what i felt. it's only fair." he came over to you, with a sinister smile.

"now... shall we begin?"


	24. gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: the following chapter includes triggering material, including, but not limited to, explicit physical and psychological torture. to avoid this mature content, please skip and read the next chapter. thank you.

you scream in pain as adam sinks a knife slowly into your thigh. he smiles as you clench your teeth and fight back tears. when is this going to end? where is sam? your brain rattles in confusion, and fear takes over your body. yet, you try to remain strong. you've been with adam for what to seems to be months, but most likely has been only a day or two. every time you pass out from pain, adam electrocutes you awake. you're sweaty, exhausted, sleep deprived, and miserable. blood gushes out of your leg as he pulls the knife out. you wince; adam smiles. he brushes some of your hair out of your face, tucking it behind your ear. your face is pale and muscles weak. you struggle to keep your eyes open, because you know the second you close them, he'll probe you. 

"so... where are your precious boys now?" you glare at him.

"getting ready to gank your ass." you say with as much force and intimidation as possible. he lightly chuckles and turns away. you sigh deeply, but before you can catch your breath, he slams his knife into your right thigh. you screech in agony.

"next time," he whispers in your ear, "don't get smart with me."

back to the winchesters...

sam sighs as he fidgets with his phone. he dials your number, waiting for you to pick up.

"goddammit..." he mumbles when your voice mail sounds. he figures you're angry at him, but still haven't heard from cas. he lays his head back on his pillow. dean walks in, hot dog in hand.

"hey sammy."

"hi." he grunts.

"still haven't heard from cas?"

"yeah..." sam gets up and walks over to dean, taking a seat at the table. "it's been three days. there's no leads on this, we haven't heard from y/n or even cas... something's wrong here."

"tell me about it, they don't even have somewhere to get a damn burger in this town!" sam lightly chuckles, but then his face straightens again.

"dude, can you call cas? he's more likely to come."

"i doubt-"

"just, try it." dean rolled his eyes and begrudgingly closed his eyes and put his hands together, beginning to pray.

"dear cas, in heaven or wherever the hell... just..." before dean could finish his prayer, cas appeared before him.

"hello, dean." sam scoffed.

"where's y/n?" he asked. cas softly smiled.

"about that..." sam's face dropped.

"where the hell is she?" cas rocked from one foot to the other, awkwardly trying to explain.

"well, you see,"

"cas, where's y/n?" dean growled.

"she's... gone."


	25. i don't love you

sam slams his hand on the table,

"how long have you known?" he screams, his voice trembling.

"sam..." dean begins to say, trying to calm his brother.

"no, i want to know. how long has she fucking been gone?" cas paused, his face afraid and ashamed. they stood in a moment of tense silence.

"i checked on her... the night after you left. she... wasn't there."

"so, what? she left?" dean asked. "i thought we had that place secure." cas looked to the ground. before he had time to respond, sam walked closer to him.

"what do you know?" he asked. cas looked up at him, but then back down, nervous to say anything. "what the hell do you know?" he yelled, his shaky voice raising.

"she was taken. there was blood... her blood." sam's face turned pale. his hazel eyes filled with salty tears. his shoulders got tense, his whole body filled with an inhumane anger. before anyone could stop him, he grabbed his coat and dean's keys before rushing out the door.

back to you...

you stare at adam, who's infatuated with his knife. he twirls it gently on his finger tip, smiling as his skin releases small drops of blood under the pressure.

"the cage must've been pretty great..." you begin. "because all you've done so far is stab me." adam chuckled.

"answer me this," he walks over to you, placing his hands on the handle of arm rests. "do you love sam?" you can feel the heat of his breath and the smell of his sweat as he spits in your face.

"what's it to you?" adam gets up and walks back over to the chair of his own, smirking.

"he doesn't love you." you roll your eyes, as if he knows anything about your relationship with sam.

"why's that?"

"if he loved you, don't you think he'd be here already?" you look down, racking your brain for snarky comments and wittiness. nothing comes up. the only thing ringing in your head is the repeated phrase, "he doesn't love you." and for some odd reason, you begin to believe it.


	26. highway to hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: the following chapter includes triggering material, including, but not limited to, rape. to avoid this mature content, please skip and read the next chapter. thank you.

you hear adam smirks, the soft sound of his lips falling apart as air glides between his teeth. you try to focus on what's going on... trying to focus on the release of pressure from your wrists and the hand on your back. all your senses are... well... shit. nonfunctional in every sense. you're hardly able to make out as adam unbuckles you from your seat, pushing you to the ground. you groan as you fall to the floor. you see everything as a slow moving slide show... a quick image of everything around you, and then black. you feel strong hands flip you over. you hear the unbuckle of pants and a belt crash onto the floor. you feel your pants ripped off you. you hear adam moaning as you feel a sharp pain. you feel your flesh tear.

"no... stop..." you breathe out, trying to form the words. you're laid on your back as you feel adam inside of you. in, out. in, out. your whole body quakes, trembling with fear. you slip in and out of consciousness. not like this... it was never supposed to be like this. you back to see gabe watching you, smiling. smiling as adam is sprawled on top of you. smiling as if this isn't an injustice. smiling as if he never loved you. then, suddenly, everything goes black.

meanwhile, sam...

bright headlines. blurry stop lights. the roaring engine of the impala. he wipes away his tears gently with the back of his hand, the image of you engraved in his mind. sam's phone buzzes. another call from dean. twenty five voice mails. over thirty calls. he sighs as he finally picks up.

"sammy, where the hell are you?" dean growls.

"she's gone, dean. gone."

"like going mia is going to help anything! come on man, tell me where you're headed. i can meet you there-"

"shut up!" sam screams. "you don't understand, i can't loose her! i don't care if i spend the rest of my fucking life searching for her, i will!" dean sighs.

"just, don't do anything stupid." sam slams his phone shut, revving the engine before driving off.


	27. rivers and roads

it's been two weeks. you've been in this hell for two weeks. every three days, adam allows you one cup of water, teasing you with it. putting the boiling hot water close to you, but not allowing you to drink it. then he pours the burning water down your throat. your stomach aches, eating itself in attempt to find food. you're starving. you're exhausted. you're thirsty. adam lets you sleep every five days, and every other day or so he lays your limp body on the ground and puts himself inside you. every day, you get slowly bled. what you wouldn't give for death... you're out of snarky comments. you're out of hope. you're out of love. your thoughts are consumed with sam... your sam. the sam who abandoned you. but... you deserve it after all, don't you? it's your fault gabe and mom died... you might as well die too.

meanwhile, sam...

sam dug a small hole, about a foot deep and half a foot wide. he placed a small wooden box down in the hole, then covered it gently with the box. inside the box lay a tattered polaroid of him, half a cup of graveyard dirt, a black cat bone, and a large trimming of yarrow. after covering the box in dirt, he looked up. expecting the demon any minute.

"a winchester!" he turned around to see a young women with dark skin and black hair, her eyes a deep crimson. "now you must really be despriate, tell me what's the matter? deanie gone rouge again?" sam's eyes slanted, his jaw clenching. the demon rolled her eyes. "well for gods sake, what do you want? i've other people to see, you may be famous for your hunting skills but you sure don't rush to the point?" she had a loud voice and a heavy british accent, reminding sam slightly of bela...

"i need you to find y/n."

"oh! your little girlfriend? i'm afraid i'm not at liberty to say." sam pulled out the colt, pointing it to her head.

"no more fucking games! where the hell is she?" the demon scoffed.

"you know, i really don't like you boys. you never know when to take a joke." she mumbled. her back straightened. "18234 everett road, virginia city. now pucker up-" sam shot her straight in the head.

"thanks." he said, repeating the address in his head as he walked back to the impala and began to drive.


	28. it's not over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: the following chapter includes triggering material, including, but not limited to, explicit physical and psychological torture. to avoid this mature content, please skip and read the next chapter. thank you.

you hear a loud bang and a bright light. are you dead? is this heaven? hell? you see sam and dean emerge, a door rattling to the floor. their guns are raised. soon, sam spots you. he runs over to you.

"hey... hey... are you okay?" he says while he unbuckles you. he lifts you in his arms. you're dead weight, you can't even support yourself. dean looks around.

"i think we're good." dean mumbles as you begin to leave. adam appears behind you.

"not so fast." he says. he snaps his fingers, and you're tied back up. sam and dean turn around.

"a- adam?" adam raises his hands. 

"in the flesh."

"you- you're back? h- how?" sam stutters. dean raises his gun, knowing he isn't here to help.

"well, that's no way to greet your brother, now is it?" dean lightly chuckles.

"you're not adam." adam rolls his eyes, letting his arms fall to his side.

"pretty sure i am. but, what do i know? maybe i've been in the cage too long to tell." he growls. sam straightens himself up.

"look, i'm- we're sorry, but-" sam begins.

"that doesn't cut it!" adam screams. "that doesn't fucking cut it!" he sharply inhales, and cracks his back. "this time, we're playing by my rules."

"yeah..." dean scoffs. "i don't think so." adam smiles, and then tightens his hand. your throat starts to ooze blood. you try to scream, but hardly anything comes out. you begin choke on your own blood. sam tries to walk forward to stop him, but adam flicks his hand and he falls back. adam sighs.

"now, i'm sure you understand the rules. shall we begin?" dean glares at adam, helping sam up. "good." adam says. "if you want y/n back, you're going to have to do something for me."

"what?" dean chuckles. "you want a lap dance?" adam snaps his fingers and four gallons appear.

"now," he begins. "this blood was kindly donated by azazel. if you want her back, drink up." adam tightens his hand. more blood oozes from your throat. sam walks forward.

"sammy, no." dean murmers. sam turns to him.

"what other choice do we have?" adam smiles, pointing to the cartons. sam quickly uncaps the first gallon and begins to chug it. adam loosens up, your blood flowing steadily, but no longer pouring out as much. sam finishes the first, and goes onto the second. in a few minutes, sam finishes all the bottles.

"that wasn't so hard, now was it?" adam disapears as you fall to the floor. sam runs over to you, blood dripping from his mouth, his whole body shaking. you lean onto him and begin to sob. he wraps his arms around you.

"it's all over... it's over now..." he whispers to you. you want to believe him, you really do, but you know it's not over. and it never will be.


	29. cynical

your head lay gently on sam's chest, your eyes slowly opening. eventually, your eyes adjusted. you were in the back of the impala, with sam. his arm was wrapped around you, blood staining his chin. he was fast alseep, his head laying on the side of the car. you looked up to see dean, his eyes fixated on the road. his left hand tightly gripping the steering wheel.

"hi." you murmured. he glanced back to you.

"how you doin', kiddo?" he asked you.

"will... is..." you looked to sam, "will he be alright?" dean scoffed.

"it took... it took all we had to patch him up last time. this time? it won't be as easy..."

"won't he need a detox? to get it out of his-"

"it's yellow eyes, y/n. adam wouldn't have done all this if we could fix it that easy." you sighed.

"so... what are we going to do?"

"i don't know." dean turned around to look at you, his eyebrows pressed firmly together, his green eyes glistening like emeralds in the moonlight. you pressed your lips together. what have you done? you asked yourself as dean turned away. a heavy pit fell to your stomach. this is all your fault. this is all your fault. this is all your fault. the phrase repeated itself in your head, flooding your every thought. you looked up to sam, his eyes fluttered shut and his brown hair gently glowing in the moonlight... he looked young. innocent, even. but you knew that because of you... he'd never be the same. ever.


	30. what's done is done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been so long! i know my chapters aren't long... but i'm updating again! it won't be more than a week next time- sorry i've been really busy with school and crying on the inside and reading and watching netflix... my first world problems are too intense. hope you enjoy this chapter- more coming your way soon! have a great rest of your day, and thanks to those of you who read my notes :)

you arrived to the bunker in a few hours. sam has already started going into withdrawals. his hand tightly gripping yours and his lips pursed, trying to keep from saying anything. but you could tell it was eating away at him. the only solution was to keep him on demon blood until you had a better idea. you and sam sat quietly in your room, starring at the wall. dean walked in a small glass of blood. he hands it to sam.

"drink up." he murmurs. sam takes the glass, drinking down the warm liquid. his grip softens as he swallows it down. you sigh. you brush his hair gently out of your face.

"okay?" you ask.

"yeah... yeah i'm fine." he mumbles in response. you sigh. is he going to be okay? who are you kidding... of course he's not going to be okay. he's back on demon blood. fucking demon blood. and it's all your fault. you wrap your arms around him and gently rest your head on his shoulder. you can feel him break into a light smile as he leans his head onto yours.

"i love you." he softly says, kissing your forehead gently.

"i love you too." even though i'm making your life a living hell... you think. or are you? considering you've never been to hell- and don't care to go- you can't necessarily relate this to such a place. but, it's an expression, you remind yourself. stop over analyzing things. or under analyzing! jesus fuck what if-

"y/n?" sam asks, stopping your rapid and insane train of thought.

"yeah?"

"what happened when you were..." he pauses, pushing away from you. he takes your hand, looking deep into your eyes. you turn to him.

"what happened with adam?" you give him a sad smile.

"what's done is done." he presses his lips together and looks down, releasing your hand and putting his into his lap.

"i just wish it never happened." you sigh.

"i know, honey. i know."


	31. daydreaming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! sorry i've been updating so inconsistently with perfect strangers. it used to be numerous times a day, now we're lucky if it's once a week. i pride myself on updating a good amount, so it's a bit embarrassing for me. anyways, i hope to be updating more soon. thanks for putting up with this, and i hope you enjoy chapter thirty one!

"hey baby." adam groans as he grazes his knife against your collarbone.

"please... don't..." you plead, your hands and legs restrained by metal chains. he straddles you and pulls down your pants, his erection digging into your thigh. he takes his knife and twirls it on his finger, pressing it lightly. small drops of his blood fall onto stomach. tears pool your eyes.

"please..." you beg again, your voice horse from dehydration. adam smiles, his eyes widening as he skins the knife deep into your neck.

you jump awake. where are you? what's going on? where's adam? your vision adjusts. you're in kansas. in the bunker. in sam's room. in sam's bed. you heavily sigh as you turn to sam. he's wearing a tight white shirt, outlining his abs and biceps, sleeping soundly to the right of you. you run your hands in his soft, long, brown hair. it softly glistens in the sunlight. he stirs awake after a minute or so.

"morning." he murmurs, looking up at you with a smile.

"good morning sammy." you say as you gently kiss his forehead. he sits up.

"did you sleep okay?"

"yeah. yeah, fine. you?"

"you aren't very convincing." he says, tilting his head to the side. you smile.

"guess not."

"wanna talk about it?" he reaches out to hold your hand. you pull away.

"i wanna talk about breakfast." you groan, getting up.

"care to join me or do you want to sit here moping about feelings?" you say. sam frowns.

"if i wanted to date my brother..."

"according to some you do!" you interupt. he groans.

"that's not what i'm saying!" you laugh.

"i'm not exactly like dean!" sam rolls his eyes.

"sure you aren't. you both just bury feelings, listen to the same music, eat the same food, and have the majority of each other's personality traits. but sure, you're not like dean." you glare at him.

"i'm not the one in love with an angel." sam raises an eyebrow at you.

"so you're part of-"

"yes, i'm in that part of fandom! when you grow up on supernatural..." your voice trails off. you remember all those years you were bullied for wearing an anti-possession necklace. all those years people called you a nerd and dumb ass for reading at breaks. jokes on them, you think. i'm the one dating sam fucking winchester.

"come on." you hold out your hand, giving him a soft smile. "let's get some breakfast."


	32. i was made for loving you

the sizzle of bacon can be heard all throughout the house. you struggle, flipping pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon. 

"shit!" you say, as hot oil sprays your arm. sam looks up from his computer.

"you alright?" he asks. you turn to him with a smile. 

"i'll live." dean walks into the kitchen, his fluffy pajama pants hanging onto his hips. he fluffs his hair as he yawns. 

"morning." dean groans. he walks into the kitchen, attempting to grab a pancake. you smack his hand away. 

"it'll be done in a minute." 

"so bossy." he says with a smirk. 

"fuck off." you say with a smile. he bites his lower lip and tilts his head to the side. 

"set the table." you playfully growl at him before turning back around to the frying pans, flipping the bacon once more. you hear the clank of plates as dean pulls them from the cabinets, and the smash as he slams them on the table. 

"careful!" you yell at him. 

"sure, mom!" he yells back, matching your tone. sam walks over to you, placing his hands on your hips and his head on you shoulder. he softly kisses your neck. you lightly moan, running your fingers through his hair. you hear his lips softly parting into a smile. 

"go help your brother." you whisper to him. 

"sure, mom." he whispers back, smacking your rear as he walks away.


	33. just a plate

sam types things rapidly into his computer, while dean devours his stack of seven pancakes. you lightly pick at your eggs. sex. that's... an issue. but that's something sam wants. it's obvious. you've awkwardly asked him to wait whenever things get too much, to which he always says is fine. the disappointment on his face is clear as he suggests sleep instead. sam looks up at you.

"you alright?" you glance at him, then back down. 

"yeah... i just... i think i'm just tired." sam gently smiles at you. 

"didn't get much sleep?" dean asks. 

"i guess you could say that." dean's eyebrow raises as your cheeks flush. 

"shit... i wasn't... that's..." your brain rattles with excuses you can use. "i just didn't-" 

"jesus sam, what'd you do to her?" he says with a laugh as he stuffs his mouth. sam rolls his eyes. flustered, you straighten your back. 

"what're you looking at?" you ask sam, stumbling over every syllable. 

"looking for a case. something easy, near by... you know, to get you back on the horse." you slouch. that's... never been discussed. "you know, if you're ready." he adds. 

"yeah, of course." you say, trying your best to seem excited. both brothers look at you; they can tell that you're overcompensating. 

"well," dean says, he smacks his hands together and rubs them off on his shirt, falling onto the backrest. "thanks for breakfast." you smile. 

"no problem." you get up to take his dishes into the kitchen. your hand awkwardly touches his as you both try to grab his plate. you flush crimson. "sorry." you murmur, pulling his plate away, practically running into the kitchen. what is with you today? you're acting like an awkward school girl. you trip on your own feet, sending his plate crashing to the ground. 

"shit!" you scream as a piece of porcelain presses into your foot. blood gushes out of your heel as you grimace in pain. sam runs over to you. you fall to the ground, struggling to pick up the pieces. 

"hey, hey..." sam murmurs, taking you into his lap. salty tears stream down your face as he wraps his arms around you. 

"i- i'm... sorry." you choke out as he shushes you. 

"it's okay," he lightly chuckles. "sweetheart, it's just a plate." dean comes over and begins to scoop up the shattered pieces. blood flows onto sam's pants. he glances down to assess the damage done. 

"shit, y/n." sam says with a sigh. "that's really in there." you cling onto his chest as he gently touches the shard.

"dean," he calls out. "i need gauze, needle, and some thread." he turns to you, his face softening. "i'm going to need to stitch it up, okay?" you nod in response. 

"i'm sorry." you whisper. he leans up to you and gently kisses your forehead.

"it's okay."


	34. later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: this chapter contains a little bit of smut... so you know... if you're related to me or a friend in real life don't read this for both our sakes.

you groan and take another gulp of whiskey down as sam carefully puts in the final stitch. 

"there we go." he says with a smile, turning to you. "all done." you give him a forced smile as you pass him the gauze to wrap your foot up. 

"sam?" you ask. 

"yeah?" you pause, carefully choosing your words. whatever you say next needs to be perfectly selected. sex. sex. you want to talk about sex. okay. but... what to say? i'm sorry i don't want to have sex? i'm sorry i'm not ready yet? part of you wants to tuck it away in a box and never speak of it again, but the other part of you... the other part can't wait any longer. you bite your lower lip, pulling your foot back and he completes the makeshift cast. 

"y/n, what is it?" he says, creeping closer to you. you put your hand on his cheek, feeling his rough stubble. your thumb grazes his jaw line; he closes his eyes and leans into your palm. he opens his mouth to say something, but you stop it with a kiss. he rolls over on top of you, grabbing your hands and slamming them together above your head. he kisses you roughly, entrapping your tongue in yours. slowly, he moves down your neck, nipping slowly, kissing, and sucking as he goes. you moan. he rips of your shirt, his hands reaching around and cupping your breasts. he gently sucks on your left nipple. you moan, throwing back your head. he plants soft kisses on your stomach, moving down to your pants. your hips involuntarily move to meet his pelvis. 

"stop... stop." you whisper. "stop!" he pulls back. 

"i- i'm sorry, i thought..." he stutters. you grab your shirt and pull it over your head. 

"i've got to... i've..." you rack your brain for an excuse. you begin to leave the room. 

"y/n, wait!" sam says. you turn, tears filling your eyes. "let's... let's talk about this. okay?" his eyebrows press firmly together. 

"can we... talk about it later?" sam gets up and walks over to you. 

"we won't talk about it later... and you know that." you turn to him. 

"later." you whisper as you walk out, slamming the door behind you.


	35. goodnight

you sneak into the living room, trying as hard as you can to be silent. the light flickers on. 

"morning, sunshine." you stifle a scream.

"dean!" you hiss. "what the hell?" he lightly chuckles. he gestures to a chair to the left of him. you sit, flustered and surprised. 

"heard you and sammy were having trouble in paradise." you roll your eyes. 

"none of your business." you growl. you're conflicted, you aren't really upset with dean, but you need someone to be upset with. besides, he disturbed your midnight snack. enough of a reason to be pissed. 

"what were you doing sneaking out here, kimpossible style?" you nod in the general direction of the fridge. he understands immediately. he sighs in response, shaking his head with a smile. 

"what were you doing here?" you ask dean, your eyebrows firmly pressed together. 

"figured you'd make your way out here." you yawn, exhausted by this conversation, and exhausted in general. 

"ready for bed?" you smile. 

"sort of." he returns the smile. you begin to get up with the intention of going straight to bed, but he stops you. 

"y/n..." you turn around to face him. 

"yes?" he stares intently at you. his gaze softens as he rattles his brain for something, anything, to say. nothing comes out. 

"goodnight, dean." you say as you trot off to bed. 

"goodnight..." you hear him softly murmur as you walk away.


End file.
